A Valentine to Skip

Happy Valentines Day!

What a day! And sadly, it isn't anywhere near over.

We're on the road, with heavy hearts, traveling toward my mother in laws apartment in Gainesville. She is in the final stages of liver cancer. She is dying.

My husband and his sister have such a terrible burden to carry with this ... this is their last parent. Many do not understand this, as there mother was not ... well, in my personal opinion she does not deserve the love and devotion of the two children she is leaving behind. However, at this point and time this is neither here nor there, she is still their mother. And all of my energy MUST be focused on them NOW, not the past. The past it done, and cannot be changed.

It is 9 pm, we have just made it to Abilene ... about another four hours to go before we come near our destination.

As each mile clicks off on the odometer, Rooster looks down - I wonder is he clicking off the miles there or is he trying to postpone the inevitable. We stopped for a kiddie break back in Cahoma, TC and I slipped off for a potty break. She and I are transported back three years ago, when we lost our mother. The waiting, the uncertainty ... the utter rage at the unfairness ... why her, why us, why why WHY!!! All questions that are yet again unanswerable.

My children are softly snoring behind me, one rests on my shoulder - yet none of them sleep their usual carefree sleep. And trust me when I say it isn't because we are traveling ... my kids sleep like rocks when we head to town to the grocery store. Smiley-girl wonders why she doesn't know her Granny, G-Wolfie asks if this is going to be like when Nini died ... oh I pray not, I don't want her to die like my mother did, but yet I don't want her nor her children, nor the grands and great-grands to suffer either. Big Bubba is ignoring the whole scenario, and is just looking forward to seeing his family again. Baby-Girl and Sir Hiss-a-lot remember her vaguely from our trip to see Sister-Sue & Uncle Magic at Christmas a couple of years ago ...